Dear Blog
you just cant help but think how hard life gets the older you get. by no means im complaining but just an observation made that can be applied to anything in life i guess - when you are young, the fun you have, your freedom, your thinking is somewhat limited, hence your problems are also very limited... more the fun, mind and age develops along that comes the developing (and sometimes overwhelming) problems as well.
I havent had a good month, financially, emotionally and spiritually. I think i will have to find another line of work. because the automobile industry here is just going down the dumps with the increasing fuel prices and the thumping vehicle tax. emotionally i have been fighting with the girl a lot over trivial issues that i guess are important and we havent had good sex in about a couple of weeks! (ughh... feel like a married couple) but we have reconciled and the chemistry is slowly building, so i guess thats a good thing.
Spiritually i feel the worst! i know i have a lot of areas and talents that i can develop and take to the next level but im not doing jack about it! i met so many wonderful people in the Arugam bay trip that i felt like a worthless retard. and they dont have superpowers or something i dont. its just that they have developed their strengths and they have applied it to the social system and most of them dont do a 9-5 job but are sorted than most people i know who depend on degrees and paper qualifications to get somewhere in society. so i want to make it a point to first build up some physical resilience by swimming! i want to get around to do that on saturday! and i want to seriously spend some time dedicated to some talents that i KNOW im good at like - singing, music, art and poetry. The system over here does not support any form of art, and most artists are nurturing their craft out of their own will because its not at all lucrative monitory wise (unless you are DAMN good! and that consists of one or two people)
so wish me luck in my search for myself, because i have realised by working, fueling and running the machine it erases all your individuality and happiness from your life. i want to LIVE whatever amount of time i have in this world and make all the people around me happy. the only way you can do this is if you understand who you are and the perfect balance with the social machine and that extra aspect of life that has been left out, missed or not associated with the normal trend and function of the system!
